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I was rGiding oCn thGe MaGyflower
When I tGhought I spied some land ...
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I was rGiding on the Mayflower
When I tGhought I spied some land
I yGelled for Captain Arab
I hGave yuh understand
Who came rCunning to the deck
Said "BCoys forget the whale
Look oGn over yonder
Cut the eGngines change the sail
HDaul on the bowline"
We sDang that melody
Like aGll tough sailors do
When they are fGar away at sea G
"I tGhink I'll call it America"
I sGaid as we hit land
I tGook a deep breath
I fell dGown I could not stand
CCaptain Arab he started
WCriting up some deeds
He sGaid "Let's set up a fort
And start bGuying the place with beads"
JDust then this cop comes down the street
CDrazy as a loon
He tGhrows us all in jail
For cGarryin' harpoons G
Ah mGe I busted out
Don't eGven ask me how
I wGent to get some help
I walked bGy a Guernsey cow
Who dirCected me down
To the BCowery slums
Where pGeople carried signs around
SGaying "Ban the bums"
ID jumped right into line
Sayin' "I hDope that I'm not late"
When I rGealized I hadn't eaten
For fiGve days straight G
I wGent into a restaurant
LGookin' for the cook
I tGold them I was the editor
Of a fGamous etiquette book
The wCaitress he was handsome
He wore a pCowder blue cape
I oGrdered some suzette I said
"Could you pGlease make that crepe"
JDust then the whole kitchen exploded
From boilin' fDat
FGood was flying everywhere
And I lGeft without my hat G
Now IG didn't mean to be nosy
But I wGent into a bank
To gGet some bail for Arab
And all the bGoys back in the tank
They aCsked me for some collateral
And I Cpulled down my pants
They tGhrew me in the alley
When up cGomes this girl from France
Who invDited me to her house
I wDent but she had a friend
Who kGnocked me out and robbed my boots
And I was oGn the street again G
Well I rGapped upon a house
With the UG.S. flag upon display
I sGaid "Could you help me out
I got some fGriends down the way"
The mCan says "Get out of here
I'll tCear you limb from limb"
I said "You kGnow they refused Jesus too"
He sGaid "You're not Him
GDet out of here before I break your bones
I ain't your pDop"
I decGided to have him arrested
And I went lGooking for a cop
G
I rGan right outside
And I hGopped inside a cab
I wGent out the other door
This EGnglishman said "Fab"
As he sCaw me leap a hot dog stand
And a cChariot that stood
PGarked across from a building
AdvertGising brotherhood
I rDan right through the front door
Like a hDobo sailor does
But it was jGust a funeral parlor
And the man aGsked me who I was G
I repGeated that my friends
Were all in jGail with a sigh
He gGave me his card
He said "CGall me if they die"
I sChook his hand and said goodbye
Ran oCut to the street
When a bGowling ball came down the road
And kGnocked me off my feet
A pDay phone was ringing
It jDust about blew my mind
When I pGicked it up and said hello
This fGoot came through the line G
Well bGy this time I was fed up
At tGryin' to make a stab
At bGringin' back any help
For my fGriends and Captain Arab
I decCided to flip a coin
Like eCither heads or tails
Would lGet me know if I should go
Back to sGhip or back to jail
So ID hocked my sailor suit
And I gDot a coin to flip
It cGame up tails it rhymed with sails
So I made it bGack to the ship G
Well IG got back and took
The parkin' tGicket off the mast
I was rGipping it to shreds
When this cGoastguard boat went past
They aCsked me my name
And IC said "Captain Kidd"
They bGelieved me but
They wGanted to know
What exGactly that I did
I sDaid for the Pope of ErDuke I was employed
They lGet me go right away
They were vGery paranoid
G
Well the lGast I heard of Arab
He was sGtuck on a whale
That was Gmarried to the deputy
SGheriff of the jail
But the fCunniest thing was
When IC was leavin' the bay
I sGaw three ships a-sailin'
They were aGll heading my way
I aDsked the captain what his name was
And how come he dDidn't drive a truck
He said his nGame was Columbus
IG just said "Good luck"
G...